Ask the Therapist: “When Do I Start Letting My Kids Make Decisions?”

Dear Evonne,

I just listened to your free podcast, and I want to check something out with you. You talk about the one-minute easy tip, “Keep Your Kid in the Director’s Chair,” and you defined the tip by saying it means teaching preteens/teens to motivate themselves with their own ideas, goals and expectations.

So I just want to double-check. I can’t start using that one-minute tip with young kids. I have to wait until they are at least 8 or 9 years old, because that’s when they develop problem-solving skills. Right?

 – KimM

From Evonne:

Wrong! If you think about it, parents can begin to keep their kid in the director’s chair at a very young age. Now what does that exactly mean? For example, take the 3-4 year olds who want to dress themselves and parents can’t stand their choice of clothes. There is a way to keep these youngsters in the director’s chair and let them choose their own clothes. How? Using the principle, “If you can’t change the child, change the environment.” Parents can put all solid pants in one drawer and printed tops in another. Then, no matter what kids choose, parents can be pleased with their choice.

Now why is this important? And why am I am talking about young kids when the podcast is for teens and preteens? Simple. You want to teach kids of all ages to start depending on themselves for making decisions. If not, when they reach these preteen/teen years, they are more likely to yield to peer pressure. You see, they have been trained to listen to others – like their parents – and they are going to reach that certain age when it is not cool to listen to their parents, so what are they going to do? You guessed it, they are still not going to make decisions on their own and seek help from others.  Only this time around, it will be from their peers – they will look outside for answers instead of inside of themselves.

If you have a question, please email me at evonne@soundmindtherapy.com.

Call for Expert Family Counseling

Do you need help navigating your parent/child relationship? Call today to learn more about family therapy in St. Louis, MO, at Sound Mind Therapy. We also offer individual counseling in St. Charles, MO, and surrounding areas. Call us today at (314) 499-9144 or complete our online form to get started.