One of my favorite movies is Notting Hill. There are several reasons this movie makes my must-see list, but one comes from the moment when Julia Roberts reminds Hugh Grant that “she’s just a girl, standing in front of a boy wanting him to love her.” That resonated with me because don’t we all want to be loved as we are by our partners?
Marriage is a big step for most couples that is marked by a date, rings, dresses, tuxedos, venues and planning, planning, planning for the ideal wedding day. But how much energy is focused on planning your ideal marriage that is to last a lifetime? This is where the notion of premarital counseling can be an effective use of your wedding planning time.
Research shows that premarital counseling is an effective tool to build strategies for how you will communicate, manage conflicts and increase your overall relationship quality and satisfaction. Relationship research shows there are ways to predict whether a marriage will succeed with 94 percent certainty. Can you imagine knowing with 94 percent certainty if your relationship is ready to withstand the test of time? What if you could predict if you will be a master or a disaster in your marriage?
John Gottman, relationship researcher, has identified criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling (the Four Horsemen) as communication practices that can be used to predict the likelihood of staying together or divorce. Gottman suggests unless there is an awareness of how each of the Horsemen show up in a relationship – and strategies are built to counter unhealthy Horsemen – the relationship will most likely end.
The goal of premarital counseling is not only to understand the Four Horsemen, but to learn effective processes to form a solid relationship foundation built of trust, commitment, communication, promoting core values, and working together as a team to understand your relationship dreams and goals.
Everyone comes to a relationship with a different understanding of love and how to communicate that love with one another. Saying “I do” shows a commitment to loving your partner, but saying “I did pre-martial counseling” shows a dedication to learning how to love your partner in a way to last a lifetime. Sound Mind Therapy offers premarital counseling services to help guide your happily ever after. Now that is a movie-worthy moment.
To make an appointment, call (314) 499-9144 or complete our online request form. From our office in Creve Coeur, we serve residents of St. Louis, Town and Country, Chesterfield, Clayton, Ladue and surrounding suburbs
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